Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The San Jose Media News

Word on the street is that the MediaNews will announce it is buying the Mercury News this afternoon.




Wednesday, April 19, 2006

THIS JUST IN ...

Scotty did a heckuva job. But our top story is that the world welcomed the birth of the TomKitten. The best coverage came from MSNBC's Keith Olbermann on the Countdown, who "broke in" to his own broadcast with an NBC Special Report -- complete with fancy graphics and the NBC overture and whatnot. The broadcast also included these headlines at the bottom of the screen:

BREAKING NEWS:
FIRST BABY FOR TOMKAT!!!

BREAKING NEWS:
SHE'S CALLED SURI!!!

BREAKING NEWS:
SEVEN POUNDS, SEVEN OUNCES!!!

BREAKING NEWS:
SUIR CRUISE IS HERE!!!

BREAKING NEWS:
SHE'S 20 INCHES LONG!!!

BREAKING NEWS:
WORLD REJOICES: TOMKAT BABY IS BORN

BREAKING NEWS:
ALL HAIL SURI CRUISE DAUGHTER OF TOM AND KATIE

BREAKING NEWS:
SURI CRUISE: 7 LBS, 7 OZ, 20 INCHES NOT AT ALL GLIB

BREAKING NEWS:
OLBERMANN FORCED TO COVER SPAWN OF FAMOUS WEIRD GUY

BREAKING NEWS:
BABY, MOM AND DAD ALL HEALTHY ... PHYSICALLY, THAT IS

BREAKING NEWS:
AT 20 INCHES, SURI IS NEARLY 1/3 AS TALL AS HER FATHER

BREAKING NEWS:
KATIE HOLMES ON BIRTH: "________________"




Sunday, April 09, 2006

MTV'S CLONE HIGH U.S.A.:
THE COMPLETE-ISH FIRST SEASON



Nothing to do today? Good thing. Because for the next 5 hours you're going to be watching the entire run of MTV's Clone High U.S.A. right there on your computer.
Episode One
ESCAPE TO BEER MOUNTAIN: A ROPE OF SAND
Gengis: "I am 21! I am not 21!"
JFK: "Get off my dingy! Not you."


Episode Two
ELECTION BLU-GALOO
JFK: "Ask not what your Student Body President can do for you. Ask what you can do to your Student Body President."

Episode Three
A.D.D.: THE LAST 'D' IS FOR DISORDER
Tom Green: "So some of you may have been mean to a kid with ADD. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag."

Episode Four
FILM FEST: TEARS OF A CLONE
Scudsworth: "Maybe we could have dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden. It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!"

Episode Five
SLEEP OF FAITH: LA RUE D'AWAKENING
JFK: "I can stay 'up' ALL NIGHT LONG! I accentuate the 'up' and also the 'long' for what I hope are obvious reasons! So let's get back together and bone up! On the PXJTs! (Guess what the 'P' is for... )"

Episode Six, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
HOMECOMING: A SHOT IN THE D'ARK
Jon D'Ark: "That Joan of Arc is one tasty piece of bitch."

Episode Seven
PLANE CRAZY: GATE EXPECTATIONS
Ghandi: "G Spot rocks the G Spot!"

Episode Eight
RAISIN THE STAKES: A ROCK OPERA IN THREE ACTS
Jack Black: "Are you ready to say no to drugs? Because if you don't say no to drugs, you're going to say yes ... to regret. And believe me I know a little something about regret. I regret the time ... that I got high ... and wrote a hit song that made me insane amounts of coin. Coin I used ... to buy more drugs. ... And a motorboat. ... And a house for my mom. ... Plus, I gave some to charity."

Episode Nine
A ROOM OF ONE'S CLONE: THE PIE OF THE STORM
Mr. Butlertron: "I'm walking on sunshine. Whoa. Oh."

Episode Ten
LITTER KILLS: LITTERALLY
Featuring the janitor from Scrubs as, well, the janitor: "Ponce was like a son to me. Probably because he was my foster son."

Episode Eleven, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
SNOWFLAKE DAY: A VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE
Abe Lincoln: "It's just not snowflake day without a lamb taco!"

Episode Twelve, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER: THE MAKEOVER EPISODE
"Makeover, Makeover. Makeover, Makeover. Makeover, Makeover. MAKEOVER!"

Episode Thirteen, Part 1, Part 2
CHANGES: THE BIG PROM: THE SEX ROMP: SEASON FINALE
Cleo: "Abe ... It's sex o'clock ... it may have sounded like I said the number 'six'. But instead I substituted it with a more suggestive word. 'Sex.' "

Watch it while you can. Thank me later.




Wednesday, April 05, 2006

GATOR GLORY

Yikes. So not only is Katie Couric seen as worthy of taking over the CBS Evening News anchor desk, but it looks like NBC thinks the best journalist to replace her is Mereidth from The View. TV News. Gotta love it.

(Okay, so that didn't have anything to do with the Gators. But I figure if everyone else is going to use that headline why shouldn't I?)

MEANWHILE: Check out New Knorr F****n Entrees.




Saturday, April 01, 2006

IF YOU AIN'T NO PUNK

Holla 'We want prenup!'