NO TIME FOR NEWS, DR. JONES

So as we gear up for the big SND workshop, I was thinking to myself that it's a good thing that we don't have hurricanes out here.

Didn't really think about earthquakes.

(Meanwhile, Fox News has been covering the most important aspect of this story: How does the earthquake affect the Peterson Trial?)

I AIN'T DRUNK. I'M JUST DRINKING.

Did you happen to catch the Rocky's awesome tick-tock on drinking at CU and CSU? Or, more, did you catch the photos? That, my friends, is what we in the bidness call "access."

There were some great quotes in the story. One student is quoted as saying that "Wednesday is the new Thursday." I guess we've already covered that here... but it was still funny to read. Another student was talking about who would and would not be let into his party, saying: "If you're a guy and you don't know my name, get out."

Awesome.

Of course, as in any story of this nature, there were some shocking and amazing revelations. The most startling of these was, by far, that Redfish in Boulder has a $3 mojito night. Good lord, three dollars?! Why aren't I living in Boulder?

BOREDOM OVERTOOK US

It's a landmark day, kids. I finally got cable. I'm amazed by the new television choices I have. I mean, right now I could watch I Love the 90's, Celebrity Poker Showdown, Days of Thunder, World Poker Tour... uh... World Series of... um... Poker.

Why are there three poker shows on at the same time?!

HERE COME THE M.I.B.s

Watched the Late Late Show Tuesday night. Drew Carey was the host. It was weird to watch because the music was the same... the set was the same... even Gibby was there. But no Kilborn. It was just weird to have somebody else inserted into that role. Kinda like the second Becky on Roseanne.

Carey did, however, seem very comfortable hosting the show and kicked it off with a good joke: "I had lunch at McDonald's today. Turns out for an extra 39 cents you get to host this show."

This was a marked difference from last night's host, D.L. Hugley, who looked like he couldn't have possibly been more uncomfortable. What really made it unwatchable was his comedic delivery was... well... it went something like this:

Begin telling first joke. Serious. Serious. Serious. Serious. Deliver punchline. Big smile. Laugh at own joke. Begin telling second joke. Serious. Serious. Serious. Serious. Deliver punchline. Big smile. Laugh at own joke.

Brutal. But don't forget to set your VCRs next week. Guest host: Michael Ian Black

So, it turns out that, with a push of a button, you can really screw up your blog template.

*sigh*

WEEK IN REVIEW: The Pioneer Press launched a tweak of their design last week. Looks like they ditched the left-side rail but added promos to the bottom of the page. I think their new front page is an improvement.

Meanwhile at the St. Pete Times, they just launched a youth tab called TBT. It's headed up by Anne Glover, who I worked for when I was interning there. They've got a pretty slick Web site and they seem to have hopped on the Griffith Gothic train along with the Merc, Red Streak, the Denver Post... yeesh. Is Griffith the new Interstate?

Hurricane Ivan slammed into the Gulf Coast. There were some fantastic photos from the aftermath but my favorite came before the storm hit. It was taken in the French Quarter by Bill Haber of the Associated Press. Check it out.

And lastly, the Rocky had my favorite Assault Weapons Ban front page.

BACK IN BLACK: Jeffy and I went to see Lewis Black at the Improv in San Jose on Thursday. He took the stage carrying a bottle of water and a copy of Thursday's Mercury News. Among his observations, as best as I can reconstruct them:

ON THE MERC: "What's this? You've got a story on traffic? On the front page? Where's the news? I know there's fucking traffic here! I don't even live here! I don't need a newspaper to tell me that. Imagine you're some guy getting up in the morning. You have your coffee, you look at this story about all the traffic and think to yourself, 'Fuck! I'm going back to bed.' "

ON SAN JOSE: "You know why you have so much traffic? Too many fucking people. Too many. Fucking. People. There was a big boom and you all moved here because you were making tons of money. Then that went away so you figured you'd leave. But then you couldn't. Because there were no jobs. And now you're all stuck here. Everytime I come here they're building more stuff. Right down the street they're building another, well, another of what passes for a skyscraper in this town. It's probably more apartments. You people have more apartments than any town I've ever seen. Here's an idea: Build a fucking store. Build. A fucking. Store. You've got all these empty storefronts here and all these people moving into apartments. You know what that is? A riot waiting to happen."

ON THE ELECTION: "Lot of important issues. Lot of important issues. The economy. Iraq. Health care. Terrorism. President Bush keeps telling us that he's made us safer. Meanwhile he lets the assault weapons ban lapse. What? I mean, those terrorists... they're crafty sons of bitches. But now we're just letting them buy assault weapons on the street? What, did they need a leg-up? Lot of important issues. Meanwhile your newspaper has a story about a shark. But I guess that's understandable. They're ferocious."

Nice that he could bring the whole thing back to ripping on my job.

So, I think it's pretty cool that DePauw now has this 400-some acre Nature Park, but am I the only one that thinks it's odd that DePauw has a Park Ranger?

PUNKY QB ON COMEBACK TOUR: Many a Chicago sports fan will remember 1985 not only as the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl, but also as the Year of the Shuffle. Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, Jim McMahon and the rest of the Bears recorded the "rap" video for charity but, in what was obviously some sort of mix-up, it was actually nominated for a Grammy. Really. Anyway, while I'm sure you all have a copy of it on VHS, you most certainly don't have the digitally re-mastered Super Bowl Shuffle 20th Anniversary Collectors Edition DVD. Call now to pre-order!

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU... After a string of animated blockbusters such as Brother Bear, Treasure Planet, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, The Emperor's New Groove, The Lion King 1 1/2, Cinderella II: Dreams Come True and, of course, Atlantis: Milo's Return, Disney CEO Michael Eisner says he will retire when his contract is up next year. That could open the door to bring Pixar back into the Disney fold. Eisner played hardball with Steve Jobs when it came time to renew Pixar's production deal with Disney. Thing is, Disney's only cinematic asset other than Pixar is Hillary Duff. Jobs ended negotiations... but didn't bother signing another deal with a different studio. The two companies are still under contract to work together through 2006, so maybe a new deal will be hammered out once Eisner is sipping smoothies on the beach in Malibu.

SPEAKING OF MALIBU: I drove down to visit Dan and Angie for the day last week. I posted some pictures here.

IN OTHER NEWS: The Soup Nazi plans nationwide franchises and South of the Border has a Web site. Who knew?

WHY I (HEART) THE INTERNET: At 3:32 a.m. my house is shaking. I'm thinking, "Woah, earthquake. Wonder where..." At 3:33 a.m. I have my answer.

Eat it, CNN.

CBS has lined up some guest hosts for the Late Late Show. Michael Ian Black fans rejoice. But I'll do you one better: The Freep says David Sedaris will be hosting some shows as well. Of course, you might be thinking, "Doesn't he live in France or somesuch?" Which is why it makes more sense that Amy Sedaris will be hosting some shows. Turns out they are different people.

ALSO: I know something you don't know.

So, a couple weeks ago I saw this story in the Chronicle about the resurgence of expensive restaurants in San Francisco and the Bay Area. The story says local restaurants are shaking off the post-dot-com, post-Sept. 11 blues. Some of the restaurants it talks about include Michael Mina's Restaurant Michael Mina, Daniel Patterson's Frisson, and George Morrone's Tartare. It was a good story.

So today I saw this story in USA Today about the resurgence of expensive restaurants around the country. The USA Today story says that while new restaurants are opening everywhere, the brightest spot is in... San Francisco. Which was hit hard after Sept. 11... and the dot-com bust... Then it talks about some of San Francisco's new restaurants like... Michael Mina's Restaurant Michael Mina... Daniel Patterson's Frisson... and George Morrone's Tartare.

There are a lot of restaurants in this country. A bit odd that USA Today chose to write about the same exact restaurants the Chronicle wrote about. A bit odd.

With the USA Today story was a list of about 30 new hot restaurants opening around the country, one of which was Gabriel Viti's Miramar Bistro, which just opened in Highwood, down the street from my dad. I haven't eaten there, but it looks like a cool place. Kinda reminds me of a cross between Schiller's Liquor Bar and Balthazar in New York.

GMAIL IS THE NEW ORKUT: Fortt has been handing out Gmail accounts. So I figured I should too. Who wants one? First come, first served.

AND WE'RE BACK! Sorry for the absence, but the staff here at the site was busy in New York covering the Republican Convention. You may have seen our Editorial Intern, Mallory, who was one of several women hauled out of the convention by security during Bush's speech.

Okay, not really. But wouldn't it have been awesome if that were true? I mean, not that disrupting conventions is cool. It's not. I don't care if all your friends are doing it. As it was, Republicans had their hands full making sure Michael Moore didn't try anything funny.

And speaking of trying anything funny, what was up with the Bush twins? Did the speechwriter forget that these two have graduated from college? They couldn't muster up something intelligent for them to say about the Republican Party? It seems like they could have been the perfect people to speak to the younger generation of voters about the importance of being involved in politics. Instead, they were doing lines like: "Who is this man they call Dick Cheney?" Ha ha. Get it? Two college graduates don't know who the Vice President is. Funny stuff.

I (HEART) PURCHASES: I've been a little stressed out this week, but I've figured out a surefire way to combat it: Mindless Consumerism. I went to Fry's last night to buy something. Anything. Didn't matter. I wound up with a new phone/answering machine (that muffled sound you hear is the collective "huzzah!" from everyone who has ever tried to leave me a message) and the Freaks and Geeks DVDs. Haven't used the phone yet, but the DVDs were a GREAT purchase. I never saw the show when it aired (I know, I blame myself) so it's like getting a fresh dose of Undeclared. This has also got me thinking that Seth Rogan should have his own show. And Linda Cardellini might get me to watch ER. Might.

IN OTHER BLOGS: Rocker Tommy Lee will not be attending DePauw University for a new NBC reality show. I'd write more but John and T-Ball have it covered.

ANNOUNCEMENT: I think I'm done with this blog. I've had it. It's a lot of coding... it takes a lot of time... kidding! But really, what if we just move the whole shebang to Blogger? I've been secretly mirroring this thing on a new, slicked up blog at kenneymarlatt.com/blog for about a month. Check it out. Kick the tires. Look in the attic. Tell me what you think. If nothing else, it should load faster. Maybe we'll move over there permanently in another month or so. Humm... I guess I shouldn't have mirrored this part. Seems kinda out of place. Oh well.