WE HAVE TO GET THE ELECTION UP TO 88 MILES PER HOUR...

One of the election stories in the Merc today quotes a woman from the Christian Coalition of America as saying that Bush's election "is a sign of what America used to be, and that we're going back to where we were.''

Seriously, what does that even mean? Where were we? When does she want to go back to? I want a date. The next politician that says we "need to get back to a simpler America" or some crap needs to spell out a specific year. Then we could make some progress on this. Was it 1991? I'll go grab my C+C Music Factory tape and we'll be set. Was it 1986? Everbody come over to my place and we'll watch Moonlighting. The point is, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Just as long as we can get back to where we were.

And, of course, going back to where we were doesn't mean going back to the pre-9/11 mindset. Because that would be bad. So we need to go back to the past, but with the knowledge of the future. Somebody call Doc Brown.