So I got an e-mail from a girl I dated when I was in college. She's engaged and is getting married next spring. This now adds to the growing list of people I have dated that have gotten married or are currently engaged. But here's the kicker: They are all doing so in exact chronological order, i.e. the order in which I dated them. So that's weird.

THREE WORDS: Gar. Den. State.

IN OTHER NEWS: Friendster has sold out.

So I just watched the last Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. In the epilogue we found out that:

As the years passed, Craig immersed himself in charitable works, but most of his time was spent on his one true passion.

Drinking in the afternoon.

Around 2-ish.

Awesome. I think I'm still in shock that the show is over. I guess now I know how all those Tom Snyder fans feel.

You know, I've always been kinda surprised by the number of people that really dislike Kilborn. Women especially. I only knew one woman who ever liked his show... and I'm pretty sure she was just humoring me. But the thing was, it wasn't that people didn't like the show, they didn't like him. I think those people were just never in on the joke. Anyhoo, I will leave you with a little Kilby haiku:

Don't cry for Craigers
Have a scotch, rocks, by the pool
It's Guy Code, okay?

So that link I had yesterday changed. I fixed it, but while I was searching the Web for another link to the photo I came across this post from "Rachael" that seemed to echo my concerns:

8/25/2004 7:06 PM RACHAEL

sometimes i think ya'll just watch there games for there body's not there actual volleyball!!!!!!! GET A LIFE!!!!!

Absolutely my point. People are watching there games for there body's not there actual volleyball. It's just not right. But I guess now that Beach Volleyball is over we don't have to worry about athletes being objectified because they -- oh wait, what's this? Synchronized Diving? Well, this should be okay. I can't imagine anything that would -- Oh for pete's sake!

Ridiculous.

So I've read a number of articles about the Olympic Beach Volleyball team that make their sport sound like it's nothing but hot girls in bikinis frolicking in the sand. That really does a disservice to these athletes and I've done my best to try and discourage that attitude... but seriously, ladies, c'mon... you're not helping.

THIS JUST IN: Man, here I thought Teeny Tiny Girl Squad was the best I could do today. So I'm watching the Late Late Show. It's Kilborn's last week and, really, I'm quite distraught about this. But that's not the point. Tonight, and by "tonight" I mean "last night," Craig's guest was David Alan Grier. When I saw he was the guest I thought to myself, "hey, self! He was just in San Jose at the Improv!" D.A.G. sat down for his interview and, to my surprise, started talking about his trip up to San Jose. Among his observations:

- San Jose's downtown sucks
- San Jose residents are stupid
- San Jose women are easy

He also made clear that after his set he took a trip to a strip club, which, in San Jose, has to be the Pink Poodle, the city's only such establishment.

Classy, Grier. Real classy.

TORSO TAKES SILVER: Teeny Tiny Girl Squad!

Go check out the TV spots that JetBlue has online. Hilarious. Maybe if I get fired I should try and get a job making funny ads. Because really, there are some tremendous commercials out there.

I love you, Billy.

I guess you were out of town earlier this month. Stop. Forwarding me. That Jib-Jab thing.

Are we clear? Do I need to put a Jib-Jab filter on my e-mail? This is way funnier... but no way does anybody forward that to me.

A QUICK MOMENT FOR US: Craig Kilborn is quitting his gig as host of the Late Late Show, so let's take a moment and look back at one of Kilby's This is SportsCenter commercials. Oh, what the heck. Here's another. I can't seem to find any clips from his stint on the Daily Show, so... we're going over here.

The Daily News has suggested some replacements for the Craigers. But, honestly, Sarah Silverman wouldn't work on network TV (see, SNL career) and it's doubtful Vince Vaughn would leave his movie career -- although he would be entertaining. Chris Rock would have no reason to do it. Jimmy Fallon would be an instant hit but it's unlikely that he'd go up against Conan and Lorne Michaels. And Bonnie Hunt is not exactly going to appeal to the college crowd. Now that I think about it, that wasn't a very good column.

So I'm thinking that, for women, not-getting-a-tattoo is the new getting-a-tattoo. Think about it. If you see some woman with a midriff-baring shirt or low-rise jeans you pretty much expect to see some Chinese inscription inked into her back. It's not an expression of your individuality anymore, it's a confirmation of your conformity to trends. Which, of course, sucks for the people that got them first.

One of the kids from the DePauw newspaper posted some photos from last spring's staff party on the paper's bulletin board. I found one to be an eerie echo of the past...

DAMN IT, MAHONEY: After the 80's gave us a dizzying run of six Police Academy movies in six years, many would have thought the Police Academy franchise was dead. (Don't even bring up 1994's Police Academy: Mission to Moscow. Just don't.) But -- and only God knows why -- over a decade after the last installment, Lassard and his cadets are back in uniform for Police Academy 8. Seriously. Police. Academy. Fucking 8.

Really, guys. I totally lost interested after PA5: Assignment: Miami Beach.

So I went to the San Jose Jazz Festival yesterday. The music was good, but the event raised more questions than it answered. Questions such as:

Why would you want your name on a grain of rice?

Why is that white guy doing the White Guy Dance in front of the Latin Jazz stage where he is surrounded by really good salsa dancers? Doesn't he know he looks like a moron? Why doesn't he go to the Big Band Stage where he belongs?

Why would you buy a T-shirt that said Alcatraz Psycho Ward Outpatient? And, if you did, why would you wear it out of the house? And, if you wore it out of the house, why would you wear it to an event where many people would see you?

If I'm standing at a street corner and a block away to my left is an approaching Light Rail Train and a block away to my right is the next Light Rail Station, why is it that - walking mind you - I can beat the approaching train to the station? Is this the fastest mode of public transportation San Jose can come up with?

And, of course, the obvious question: Why do I go to street festivals when, clearly, I don't really like them?

IN OTHER NEWS: It seems the folks over at Fark have been selling links from their blog to the highest bidder. I was really stunned when I read that story. Stunned that none of the boneheads in the KenneyMarlatt.com finance department didn't think of that idea sooner! Ad reps take notice: This Web site attracts that elusive 22-35 demographic that you crave so much. Just think of the market-share gains you could make if your product or Web site were to be featured in one of my entries! Interested? Let's talk.


BUSH QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."


ALSO: Have you ever tried Bizrate.com? It's great. You can compare prices and save money on millions of products! Bizrate.com truly lives up to their promise of "Top Rated Shopping."

[See how that would work? We'd integrate your ad right into the text! Nobody would have any idea what was editorial content and what was paid advertising! This is going to be a real win-win for both parties.]

I'M DEAD, BITCH! Singer Rick James dies at age 56.


CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Slate has a scathing commentary on the media coverage of the Unity journalism convention. The piece wonders whether the Post will "return to the Washington Convention Center for the annual meeting of the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons (Feb. 25-26, 2005)." Of course, to the Post's credit, I doubt John Kerry and President Bush will be speaking at that event.

And speaking of speaking, Poynter's Unity blog talks about the appropriateness of cheering Kerry (or, I guess, Bush) when they speak to a group of journalists. The suggestion is that journalists must - always - remain outwardly impartial. (You know, unless they are on cable television.)


IN OTHER NEWS: Steve Wynn's new Las Vegas resort managed to land the only "touring" show for Avenue Q... and Michael Eisner took the wraps off a new Disney computer line targeted at kids. I guess he figures that if Steve Jobs can make hit movies...

Steve Jobs has cancer.

Okay, people. You've gotta stop forwarding me that Jib-Jab thing. I've seen it. Really... we've all seen it. The Jib-Jab thing was so July. It's over. Let's move on.

Jack Ryan finally withdrew his name from the Illinois Senate race, paving the way for Barack Obama. It's really a shame that a sex scandal could destroy Jack Ryan's political career. I mean, the guy was a former Marine and an ex-CIA agent. He single-handedly thwarted an attempt to assassinate the Prince and Princess of Wales and helped a Soviet nuclear submarine captain defect to the United States -- with the sub! It's just ridiculous that politics have sunk to this level.


SPEAKING OF POLITICS SINKING TO LEVELS: The student body president of my belove-ed DePauw University went to Boston last week to express her displeasure with John Kerry and his past performance. How did she do that, you ask? Well she dressed up as a seven-foot-tall flip-flop. Which is a weird coincidence. It turns out I'm going to be in New York next month dressed as an intellectual lightweight whose inability to comprehend complex issues and unwillingness to be a cooperative leader on the international stage has made America the most hated nation in the world for the first time in history.

But I've yet to figure out the right piece of footwear to symbolize that.


IN OTHER NEWS: Drudge has the transcript from the big Michael Moore / Bill O'Reilly showdown... and Sal and I wrote another bar review.


NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: John, one of my friends from college, has a new blog over at the Blogspot. He's a real world traveller so it promises to be far more interesting than this thing.


GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT: In Wednesday's comments, Tennille posed the question "White Castle vs. Crystal." I will add to the question that a drunken run to the Crystal shows up in a Jimmy Buffett song (Great Filling Station Hold-Up). Are there any songs involving drunken runs to the White Castle? Also: Chicken Rings. Discuss indeed.